Trying to be understood

The crushing loneliness of enlightenment.

Leo,

Even though you’ve never seen me. Even though you’ve not been aware of my influence, I’ve been there. Sharing my presence, my light, and guiding you. I have never left you.

There will be many times when you feel absolutely alone. You’ll feel abandoned by spirit. You’ll find no comfort with the people in your life. Family and friends won’t get you. At some point, after many tears, you’ll give up trying to get them to understand you. You won’t know it at the time, but this is actually surrender and a step toward liberation.

Not gonna lie. It’s going to be tough and painful. You’ll attempt to distract yourself from the mental and emotional anguish. And your tactics will run the entire gamut. A new relationship will provide some momentary reprieve, until your knees nearly buckle under the weight of not being true to yourself.

You’ll try all sorts of other ways to escape. From eating out, shopping, spiritual study, to going out with friends — no matter how fun the distraction, the relief will always prove to be temporary and fleeting.

Invariably, you’ll have to face yourself in the rearview mirror on the drive home. And there, without any way to escape, the old familiar feeling of being crushingly, achingly alone will come back to the surface.

The pain of this will gnaw and tear you apart at times. It will be surreal because you’ll surround yourself with more people and yet feel ever more despondent and increasingly isolated. Sure, you’ll try to escape using masturbation. You’ll lose yourself temporarily in movies. You’ll numb yourself to a stupor with marijuana. But, you’ll continue to find yourself stuck in this psychic prison.

All this said, do not despair my dear one. I stand in what you consider your future. I am you, now the realized Master. I can assure you that you do make it through. As you reflect back on your life you’ll see that this period of unraveling was absolutely crucial.

You’ll come to experience beauty and deep reverence for this part of the journey. This period of great loneliness and suffering was necessary to force you to turn within. It was crucial for you to experience that no matter how hard you tried to run from it, tried to distract yourself, or numb the pain — this was a mental and emotional stripping that had to occur.

There really was no other way to learn this lesson. You had to viscerally feel the futility of trying to be validated or understood within the context of society and family.

You’ll come to appreciate immensely that psychic bonds and chains were lifted in the process. You’ll prove to yourself that experience truly is the great teacher. And I know it sounds far too lofty right now, but you’ll come to treasure the purifying fire.

Take heart. You’ll discover a treasure far greater than anything society, family, or friends could ever provide. For you will gain the realization of your soul — and with that — you will have everything.

Persevere, Leo. Persevere.